Secret
by Abilene Keegan
Summary: Luka finds out about a secret Abby has been keeping from him.


Undeniable

**Note:** This story takes place sometime after the episode "The Longer You Stay". Please note it was actually written last week (before that episode had even aired) and was pretty much based on the preview I had seen for it and the spoilers I had read about Luka and Abby. However, according to me it doesn't really give away any spoilers. Enjoy and please review...

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S e c r e t

B y A b i l e n e K e e g a n

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Luka stared down at the photo in his hands. It wasn't really a photo but at the time his mind couldn't, or didn't want to, come up with a better name for what it was. At the moment he was in somewhat of a shock. He'd come into the lounge only minutes earlier ready to leave for the day. He'd seen the small piece of paper lying on the floor beneath the lockers and reached down to pick it up. He wasn't the least bit interested in it, figuring it was only a piece of white scrap paper, his intentions had been to throw it away. How could he have known something that had seemed so insignificant could change his entire life in a split second? A second he may have lost forever if he hadn't turned the paper around. If he hadn't viewed the other side of it. If he'd simply thrown it away. A gnawing ache in the pit of his stomach told him the truth. That if fate hadn't brought him to this photo, then a part of his life would have been thrown away also.

The immediate shock was beginning to wear off. What he was looking at was beginning to register more clearly in his mind. At first he'd simply found it interesting. Interesting that he hadn't already heard a rumor about it. After all County General was probably better known for its gossip then it was for its doctors. Then he got curious as he wondered to whom the "photo" belonged. He was certain that there was nobody working in the ER, or at least nobody that used this lounge, that was at a point in their lives that they'd want this to happen. So it had to have been by accident that it did happen. He felt somewhat like an employee looking for gossip himself. He'd almost decided to toss the photo then and not give it another thought. It wasn't his business. Whoever this belonged to probably wanted to keep it personal, to keep it privet. Still he couldn't bring himself to toss it either. What if somebody else found it? What if the person the photo belonged to was looking for it? That's when he'd made up his mind and his eyes slowly raised to view the top of the photo. That's where he knew a name would be listed as well as other information. And that's when his life would change.

Lockhart, Abby. 10 weeks, 3 days.

Luka's breath had almost been taken away. Disbelief, perhaps even a little denial, jumped out at him from every core in his body. How could she have kept such a thing a secret? Again, that nagging ache told him the answer. Because she had never intended to tell him. Luka now shook his head. He had to give Abby some more credit then that. Perhaps she had just found out herself. Maybe this, this, he decided he could use the real word, sonogram had just been taken. Maybe she had only recently found out that she was pregnant and was in shock herself. Maybe she was afraid of how he'd react. Or maybe his reaction didn't matter. Luka looked quickly at the date on the sonogram. Both of his theories did not pan out. The sonogram had been taken nearly six weeks ago. Abby obviously had known. And, unless she'd cheated on him which he doubted, he had to be the father. Luka wondered if she'd known this when he'd broken up with her. It had been two months now since that time. Had she been carrying this secret with her for that long? Any anger he may have felt towards her quickly dissipated. His heart was actually aching for her. This could not be an easy secret to carry. She had to be terrified.

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Luka stepped up to the door and took in a deep breath. He had no idea what he was going to say to her. Had no idea how he even felt about this whole thing. There had been a time when the prospect of him and Abby having a child together had been a wonderful thought. But that had been a long time ago. Before most their troubles had begun and before they'd broken up. Now they weren't seeing each other and in fact he was dating someone else. Now the timing was all off. Even if they had still been dating he still thought the timing would have been all off. But he supposed that was the chance you took when you got intimately involved with another person. Not that he was too afraid of taking that chance. He was still in love with Abby, he knew that much. So the thought of them having created a baby was not that scary to him at all. It was actually almost exciting. Though he still knew that this is not what their relationship needed right now. In fact this was possibly the last thing they needed right now. That is if his hopes of them ever getting back together had any existence in reality.

Taking in another breath Luka reached up and knocked on the door. He wondered if she'd know it was him. He had come to know her knock after the first time she'd shown up at his hotel room. He was hoping she didn't know. She might not answer the door if she did. No, Luka shook his head mentally, she wasn't being that bad. She'd at least answer if for nothing more but mere curiosity as to why her ex boyfriend was at her apartment. Then he had to wonder if she'd already suspect the reason. Did she know that the sonogram was missing?

Suddenly, after a few minutes of silence, the door in front of him slowly opened. Luka's heart felt that familiar ache it got every time he saw her. But mostly every time he say her dressed in anything but her scrubs. To see her as a nurse was easy. He was used to that. He could deal with that. But every time he saw her dressed in plain clothes, leaving to go home, it reminded him of everything he had lost on that fateful night. It reminded him that this time he would not be going home with her.

"Hey." He whispered softly. He couldn't help but to notice how tired she looked. She even looked as though she may have just been crying. He'd never seen Abby cry and suspected he never would.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was too soft. He examined her closer. She looked weak to him. Physically and emotionally. Like she'd just been drained of her very essence. He'd never noticed this at the hospital. Had she been like this long? Was she ill? Or was she simply depressed?

"Can we talk Abby?" He marveled at the sound her name had on his lips. He rarely spoke her name these days and had missed even that little insignificant aspect of their relationship.

Abby shrugged her shoulders. "Why not." With that she stepped aside and let Luka pass.

Luka walked to the center of Abby's living room, memories of him having been here under much better circumstances were flooding his mind. He was wishing that he were here under those circumstances now. Watching Abby, now slumped against the wall, made him want to go over to her and hold her tight. To assure her that everything would be okay despite the fact he didn't really know why she appeared the way she did. Perhaps the whole pregnancy thing wasn't treating her too kindly. Maybe she was emotionally and physically exhausted because of it. Although he knew it wasn't truly his fault, or only his fault, he was sorry for having done this to her. Wishing he could go back to the night it had happened and just hold her instead of making love to her. Then maybe she wouldn't be so fragile looking. Then maybe she'd be happy.

"How've you been doing?" He asked the only question that made any sense to ask.

Abby looked at him tiredly and smiled, but it wasn't her real smile. He hadn't seen that in long time.

"I'm fine Luka. Why do you ask?" She was being sarcastic so obviously the fact that she looked physically incapable of anything hadn't escaped her attention.

"You look exhausted." He choose to state the obvious.

Abby laughed bitterly. "Yeah, you could say that."

"Abby what's wrong?" Luka was hoping that perhaps he could get Abby to come out and tell him on her own what he'd come to confront her about. He knew it was very unlikely but something that needed to be tried.

"Nothing Luka. Why did you come here? What do you want to talk about?"

"If there is nothing wrong then why do you look so miserable?" Oops. He shouldn't have said that. Her eyes flashed in anger and Luka quickly stepped closer to her. "Abby-"

"I am not miserable. I am perfectly happy with my life. Why do you think you need to get so suddenly involved with my every emotion?"

"Because I-" Luka stumbled for the words to say and, not finding them, reached into his coat pocket to retrieve the sonogram. "I found this today in the lounge at work." He handed the photo to Abby and she immediately retrieved it from him.

He watched her expression closely. To his heartbreak it only grew more sad, more distressed. He again wanted to reach out and wrap her in his arms, he couldn't help the feeling. She looked so much like she needed someone and he cared so much for her. He wanted to be there for her on every level but knew that, right now, he couldn't be.

"I thought I'd lost it." She whispered softly as she viewed the image on the piece of paper.

Luka's heart was breaking by the minute and a knot began to form in the pit of his stomach. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. He watched a tear slip down her cheek and the knot tightened.

Abby looked back up at him and handed the photo back. "Keep it." She headed towards the couch, he watched her the whole way. "It's the only photo that'll ever exist of that baby." With that said she sat down miserably on the couch clutching a pillow to her chest. Luka wanted to cry. He wasn't sure if it was the sheer emotion of the situation or if inside he knew exactly what Abby was telling him.

"Abby what happened?" His stomach told him he didn't really want the answer. He walked over and sat down beside her. She looked over at him, her eyes showing clear anguish.

"I miscarried two nights ago. You weren't there and only Kerry was around when it happened. She managed to keep it quite." Abby looked back down at her hands as Luka continued to watch her.

He was somewhat shocked but the pain was enough to outweigh the shock. He hadn't realized till that moment how much he had actually wanted this baby. Of course more then anything he hadn't wanted it to die. And it was dead, it had been since the moment he'd found out about it. It didn't seem right. He and Abby had actually managed to create something good out of a relationship that had been so disastrous. Why should that have been taken away from them? He watched Abby closely now, he knew the pain she was feeling was real. He also knew that Abby hadn't wanted children, that she'd once had an abortion because her fear of creating a baby had been so strong. Her fear of making it sick. It was something she had once told him though something that hadn't really been discussed. It was just a conversation nothing deep and emotional. He now wished they had talked more about it.

He reached out and lightly wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He was relieved when she leaned slightly into his embrace. "I'm so sorry Abby. Why didn't you tell me? You didn't have to go through this alone. You don't deserve that." Luka wrapped his other arm around her and took her into a close hug. She accepted the comfort.

"I didn't want to hurt you. You've already lost two children. And I was so afraid you'd be angry at me. I was afraid you'd hate me for not telling you sooner."

Luka felt as a few tears managed to trail down his own cheeks. He quickly contained them. He needed now to be here for Abby. He'd deal with his own pain later.

"I'm not angry." He looked down and lifted her chin up so that she was looking into his eyes. "I'm just sad Abby. That you didn't feel you could tell me this. I wish you had just come to me. I wish you would understand that you can come to me. I will always be here for you Abby. Always."

Abby's eyes diverted back to the floor and she pulled away from his slightly. He looked at her questioningly.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Sorry for what?" Luka questioned.

"Sorry because I've always known that and I still pushed you away. Till I couldn't push you any farther. Because you were suddenly gone. And like I always do I ended up screwing up yet another relationship. And I ended up losing somebody important to me. I'm sorry for all that."

Luka almost couldn't believe she'd just said any of those words to him. Weren't those the words he'd been wanting to hear. For her to finally admit that she had pushed him away and that she did care about him. That he was important to her life. As Much as he wanted to take her into his arms there and confess his love to her this wasn't over just yet.

"You make it sound like it was all your fault that we split up."

Another sarcastic laugh from Abby. "It was."

"No Abby it wasn't. I pushed you away too. At least at first. And I should have tried harder to get you to open up I should have said something instead of just letting it all suddenly blow up in one ugly fight between us. There's so much that we both did wrong." Abby looked back up at him as if sensing where this was suddenly going. He smiled and wiped a tear from her eye. "I think we could do it better if we tried again."

"What about your girlfriend?" Abby asked softly and Luka couldn't help but grin despite the situation. She was actually agreeing with him. She wanted them to try again. Something he had always feared she'd never want.

"I'll explain things to her. I'm not in love with her, I'm..." Luka cut himself short as he realized what he'd just been about to say. Wondering if she was ready to hear it. He decided either way, he was going to tell her. "I'm in love with you."

Abby's smile was heart lifting as she leaned in and kissed him as suddenly as she had done it the first time she'd kissed him. Only this time Luka kissed back. "I love you too." He heard her whisper against his lips and it was all he could do to not smile again.

He felt her tongue lightly graze his lips and eagerly opened up to her. Moving his hands down to her waist he pulled her closer till she was practically setting on his lap. As their kiss deepened so did their breathing. Luka felt as Abby's hands began exploring their way down the front of his shirt. Reaching their destination he felt them begin to climb back up only this time her hands were running along his bare chest. He shivered slightly at the feeling. Finally needing air but not quite wanting to give up the taste of her Luka brought his lips to Abby's neck and he began gently sucking on the skin there. It was Abby's turn to shiver and Luka smiled at the feeling. He was still amazed at the things he could do to her, at the feelings he could give her, and her him.

"I've missed you Luka." He heard her whisper as she began removing his shirt. That's when Luka's sanity finally spoke up. He stopped kissing her and closed his eyes deeply as he leaned his head on her shoulder gently. "Luka?" Abby questioned and he lifted his head to smile at her.

"I don't think this is a good idea." She looked almost hurt so he quickly continued. "We did this last time Abby. We jumped right into bed together and never really took the time to just get to know each other as a couple. I think we should take things more slowly this time."

"What you want us to set a date for the first time we can make love, like they do on those comedy shows?" Abby joked but Luka's smile back was more serious.

"No, of course not. When the times comes, we'll both know it." He looked Abby intensely in the eyes as if that would help to get his point across.

Very slowly she nodded her head. "I think it is a good idea." Luka nodded his head and brought her closer to him. Holding her on his lap somewhat like you might hold a child.

The next few moments passed in silence. Two lovers reunited. Both thinking about the future. Both wondering if it could, and hoping that is would, work this time. Abby was the first to break the silence.

"Would you have wanted it Luka?" She asked softly and he knew immediately what she was talking about.

"Of course." He gently caressed her hair in a comforting fashion. He knew that this topic would be a very sensitive one for both of them for a very long time. But it still had to be discussed.

"I'm sorry." Luka didn't let her continue. He knew where she was going.

"It's not your fault Abby. None of it is. And while I wish you had come to me right away it doesn't much matter anymore. And I'm not angry that you didn't. It's over now and we'll get through this together." Luka instinctively wrapped his arms tighter around Abby who seemed to cuddle up closer to him. "When did you find out Abby?"

"A week before we broke up. I was going to tell you the next weekend. That being the night we..." Luka closed his eyes tight. Tears threatening to fall once again. She must have been scared and terribly hurt. He'd broken up with her when all she'd planned to do that night was tell him she was pregnant.

"I'm sorry Abby." Now it was his turn to apologies. Abby quickly leaned up and silence him by kissing him gently on the lips.

"No more sorrys. Let's just try and move on from here."

He smiled down at her and nodded his head. "Okay, it's a deal." A thought occurred to him and while he was certain he shouldn't ask it now he chose to anyhow. "Abby did you want this baby?"

"Yes I did."

He waited only a few seconds before he could finally bring himself to ask the next question. He was almost afraid she'd get angry or even more hurt.

"You never wanted children because you were afraid of them getting sick. So why this one?" Her reaction was not what he'd expected at all. Abby smiled up at him sweetly and he had to smile back. She wasn't angry or hurt.

"I'm still afraid of that but what I was more afraid of was losing you for good. I knew that that baby was," She paused and looked back down at her lap. "It sounds selfish but that child would have made it so that I could never truly lose you. It was our connection and even if we weren't together I would still always be able to see you. Mostly though that baby was a part of you. It was all I had left of you." She looked back up at him. "You didn't love me but a part of you always would."

"Abby I have always loved you. I will always love you." Luka was amazed at the feelings she had just admitted to him. But pleased all the same. They were finally getting somewhere in a relationship that had once been doomed to misery.

"Promise?" She looked up at him and the look in her eyes was amazing. She truly needed to believe this. To believe that he loved her. His heart he was certain couldn't be any more filled with love.

"I promise."

"Then you want to know a secret?" She whispered.

"Okay."

"I'm still pregnant."

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**The End. **_(Please Review)_

**Note: ** Just another reminder that this was written _before_ "The Longer You Stay" aired. So, that whole thing about Abby smoking, let's just pretend it didn't happen. :) And any other inaccuracies. I actually had decided I wasn't going to post this story but after tonight's episode aired I thought perhaps some of you Lubys could find some comfort in it or something. Anyhow I hope you liked it, in all it's shortness. :) And thanks in advance to any reviews I may get!

**Disclaimer:** The above was a story of fiction based on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton, NBC and Warner Bros.


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